“…if you have an opinion, please feel free to offer it to me through the gap in the door of a public restroom. Everyone else does.”

more info

“My parents raised me never to ask people about their reproductive plans. ‘You don’t know their situation,’ my mom would say. I considered it such an impolite question that for years I didn’t even ask myself. Thirty-five turned into forty faster than McDonald’s food turns into cold non-food.”

more info

“I know older men in comedy who can barely feed and clean themselves, and they still work. The women, though, they’re all ‘crazy.’ I have a suspicion — and hear me out, because this is a rough one — that the definition of ‘crazy’ in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to fuck her anymore.”

more info